Okay, so this is the bottom line
Daisy--I mean, any child--has to go through some suffering and adversity in her life in order to build resilience. I KNOW that. And yet, as her mom, I can't help wanting to shield her and protect her from all forms of pain. Even if I could do that, it would be bad for her because then she'd never develop the inner resources she needs, and she'd never learn how to bounce back from difficulty (resilience). So, if I am a good mom, I need to let her encounter some hardship. BUT I DON'T WANNA. All my impulses say protect, protect, protect. Ughhhhhhhh.
Also, I need to let her leave my side, become more independent, and develop attachments to other people--other adults, her teachers, her peers. All this would be good for her, but it can't happen automatically. Of course she is crying her first week of preschool, because she doesn't know anyone there yet and they don't know her. But if I were to whip her away from the situation, she'd never have a chance to find out whether she can form those bonds with other people, people who are not me. It seems to me that I would be a controlling mom who wants to keep all of Daisy's love to myself, and that I'd be crippling her in the department of building up a toolkit of inner resources, if I yank her out of preschool just because it kills me to see her hurting.
But this all just feels so very terrible and hard right now. Please, please let it get better soon!
Also, I need to let her leave my side, become more independent, and develop attachments to other people--other adults, her teachers, her peers. All this would be good for her, but it can't happen automatically. Of course she is crying her first week of preschool, because she doesn't know anyone there yet and they don't know her. But if I were to whip her away from the situation, she'd never have a chance to find out whether she can form those bonds with other people, people who are not me. It seems to me that I would be a controlling mom who wants to keep all of Daisy's love to myself, and that I'd be crippling her in the department of building up a toolkit of inner resources, if I yank her out of preschool just because it kills me to see her hurting.
But this all just feels so very terrible and hard right now. Please, please let it get better soon!
posted by Sarah Goss at 3:36 PM
3 Comments:
Just caught up on how preschool has been. Sounds so tough. One week down, though--and you (and her!!) are doing so so so great.
Just read all the blog posts about pre-school. They made me cry! Little ones are so vulnerable. Hang in there. You are doing the right things.
I think it's a growth experience for Mom too! Hope you both adjust quickly.
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