Magical Beads and OT
1. I never thought I'd try something like this, but last night I gave Daisy a magical bracelet to "ward off monsters and other make-believe things." We have been telling her, over and over and over again, that there are no such things as monsters. This approach does not work. She immediately agrees to it; yes, there are no such things as monsters. Then she says, "But what if there WAS a monster, and it came through this wall?" It occurred to me yesterday, while reliving some lovely childhood memories with my family, that my terror of vampires was not allayed by knowing they didn't exist--and I was eight, not three. I knew there were no vampires, but somehow, it didn't help with the fear. The only thing that helped was the basket of garlic my mother gave me. Soooo.... last night I gave Daisy a magical monster-defeating bracelet. I told her that monsters were make-believe, but that this bracelet helped with make-believe creatures. She thanked me profusely. It still took a long time for her to go to sleep, and I don't at all know that the bracelet is going to work, but that's my latest attempt to deal with the ongoing fear of sleep problems Daisy is having. Sigh; like mother, like daughter, apparently.
2. The OT therapist called last night and I made an appointment for Daisy. She is going to get a full evaluation. I am glad I'm doing this, and so many trustworthy friends have assured me it's a good thing, but I feel a little nervous. Mark's cousin, who is a doctor, gave us the good advice that you want to be very careful about letting the system put diagnostic labels on your child, and that makes a lot of sense to me. Although the OT seemed nice, I couldn't help sensing on the phone a certain eagerness to get her diagnosed. I asked him whether sometimes, you had a kid who just had delays in developing fine motor skills, and no other larger problem. He answered yes, but a bit hesitantly, like he didn't expect that to be the case with Daisy. Usually there are other, bigger issues.
Then he described Asperger's and sensory processing disorder to me, both of which I've heard about from others and read a little bit about. I don't want to come across as defensive--refusing to believe that this could be true of my child-- but they honestly don't sound like her. Daisy is very good at reading social cues, which makes her not seem to fit the description of kids with Asperger's. Her favorite time of the Montessori day is circle time because she enjoys the communal, interactive time so much. She doesn't have trouble with transitions from activity to activity (I think she's actually better at this than other 3-year-olds) and is flexible and adaptable to new situations. I'll certainly be open to hearing what the OT has to say, but these are the two criteria he described on the phone, if I'm remembering correctly, and they don't sound at all like Daisy. I could possibly be confusing some of the symptoms of sensory processing disorder with the ones he described for Asperger's, but suffice it to say, none of them sounded like Daisy. The other ones (associated with sensory processing disorder, I think) had to do with sensitivity to stimuli--like not wanting the fabric of your shirt to touch your arm or needing the tag cut out of a garment; being extremely finicky about food, to the point of only being able to eat a few things; problems being in a crowd or large group activity; hating the feeling of having hair washed; and some other things that I'm not remembering so well right now.
I realize Daisy might not have every symptom listed here and could still have the disorder. But it takes a big stretch for me to make her fit. The parts about crowds and groups don't fit at all. The part about "finicky eater" has to be pressured to fit. Yes, she's never been a hugely enthusiastic eater, and she would rather eat treats than salad. But she's THREE. I would not say she is an adventurous eater, but I could easily come up with a pretty long list of foods she eats: almost any Asian food, macaroni, pasta, chicken, broccoli, carrots, peas, Matzo ball soup, almost any fruit.... So, yes, she's a 3-year-old eater, and not the best. But the children who have the disorder sound more extreme in their pickiness. Then some of the other ideas: okay, no, she doesn't love having her hair washed because she doesn't like the feeling of water streaming into her eyes, and sometimes she protests, but she WILL do it. Does that qualify as meeting one of the criteria? Do other three-year-olds enjoy having their hair washed? And then the one about sensitivity to clothes. This one made me a little nervous, because it's true that Daisy would rather wear a tank top than anything else. She has told us she strongly prefers "no sleeves." She has strong opinions about what she wears in all areas, though. She likes to wear tight pants, not "wiggly pants." She prefers red and pink to other colors. There are some other prefences that I'm not thinking of right now. But I've heard from other mothers that their three-year-old girls are expressing strong opinions about what they wear. Does this necessarily mean sensory processing disorder?
From what I've been able to learn from Daisy, I don't think her preference for tank tops has to do with feeling like her skin is irritated by sleeves. When we make her put on something with long sleeves, she's fine. And she almost always wears long sleeves to bed. The preference for tank tops seems to be an aesthetic choice, rather than related to feelings of skin irritation. Daisy doesn't seem overly sensitive to any kind of stimuli, as far as I can tell.
I truly want to be open-minded and not defensively shooting down the possible diagnoses of Asperger's or sensory processing disorder. If Daisy has either of these conditions, I want to know so that I can be the most helpful mother possible to her. But the only symptoms I can say with certainty she shares with these diagnoses are hypertonia (the low muscle tone) and delayed development in fine motor skills. What if that's all there is?
So I will go in to the meeting with an open mind, but I also want to be prepared to ask challenging questions if the OT seems quick to diagnose. I am taking with me one memory that makes me wary: a college psychiatrist who wanted to slap a label on me that did not fit and immediately begin heavily medicating me. I could tell she had leaped to conclusions about me based on some of the leading questions she asked me-- questions that showed she had already formed her opinion of me and presumed a certain answer. I had done my own research and when I asked her a few questions-- not defensively, but so as to participate in an informed way in my own diagnosis-- she became extremely defensive and wouldn't or couldn't answer. She seemed very surprised that I would become informed on my own and have any questions, rather than just immediately accept her word for it. Then she told me that when I was ready to "accept my diagnosis," I could see her again. Needless to say, I never returned and I never took the medication she had in mind for me. I am 100% positive she was on the wrong track with me then, twelve years ago.
I guess I want to be sure I'm a good advocate for Daisy if I sense something similar happening here. I don't want the ball to start rolling with a diagnosis that may not fit her.
2. The OT therapist called last night and I made an appointment for Daisy. She is going to get a full evaluation. I am glad I'm doing this, and so many trustworthy friends have assured me it's a good thing, but I feel a little nervous. Mark's cousin, who is a doctor, gave us the good advice that you want to be very careful about letting the system put diagnostic labels on your child, and that makes a lot of sense to me. Although the OT seemed nice, I couldn't help sensing on the phone a certain eagerness to get her diagnosed. I asked him whether sometimes, you had a kid who just had delays in developing fine motor skills, and no other larger problem. He answered yes, but a bit hesitantly, like he didn't expect that to be the case with Daisy. Usually there are other, bigger issues.
Then he described Asperger's and sensory processing disorder to me, both of which I've heard about from others and read a little bit about. I don't want to come across as defensive--refusing to believe that this could be true of my child-- but they honestly don't sound like her. Daisy is very good at reading social cues, which makes her not seem to fit the description of kids with Asperger's. Her favorite time of the Montessori day is circle time because she enjoys the communal, interactive time so much. She doesn't have trouble with transitions from activity to activity (I think she's actually better at this than other 3-year-olds) and is flexible and adaptable to new situations. I'll certainly be open to hearing what the OT has to say, but these are the two criteria he described on the phone, if I'm remembering correctly, and they don't sound at all like Daisy. I could possibly be confusing some of the symptoms of sensory processing disorder with the ones he described for Asperger's, but suffice it to say, none of them sounded like Daisy. The other ones (associated with sensory processing disorder, I think) had to do with sensitivity to stimuli--like not wanting the fabric of your shirt to touch your arm or needing the tag cut out of a garment; being extremely finicky about food, to the point of only being able to eat a few things; problems being in a crowd or large group activity; hating the feeling of having hair washed; and some other things that I'm not remembering so well right now.
I realize Daisy might not have every symptom listed here and could still have the disorder. But it takes a big stretch for me to make her fit. The parts about crowds and groups don't fit at all. The part about "finicky eater" has to be pressured to fit. Yes, she's never been a hugely enthusiastic eater, and she would rather eat treats than salad. But she's THREE. I would not say she is an adventurous eater, but I could easily come up with a pretty long list of foods she eats: almost any Asian food, macaroni, pasta, chicken, broccoli, carrots, peas, Matzo ball soup, almost any fruit.... So, yes, she's a 3-year-old eater, and not the best. But the children who have the disorder sound more extreme in their pickiness. Then some of the other ideas: okay, no, she doesn't love having her hair washed because she doesn't like the feeling of water streaming into her eyes, and sometimes she protests, but she WILL do it. Does that qualify as meeting one of the criteria? Do other three-year-olds enjoy having their hair washed? And then the one about sensitivity to clothes. This one made me a little nervous, because it's true that Daisy would rather wear a tank top than anything else. She has told us she strongly prefers "no sleeves." She has strong opinions about what she wears in all areas, though. She likes to wear tight pants, not "wiggly pants." She prefers red and pink to other colors. There are some other prefences that I'm not thinking of right now. But I've heard from other mothers that their three-year-old girls are expressing strong opinions about what they wear. Does this necessarily mean sensory processing disorder?
From what I've been able to learn from Daisy, I don't think her preference for tank tops has to do with feeling like her skin is irritated by sleeves. When we make her put on something with long sleeves, she's fine. And she almost always wears long sleeves to bed. The preference for tank tops seems to be an aesthetic choice, rather than related to feelings of skin irritation. Daisy doesn't seem overly sensitive to any kind of stimuli, as far as I can tell.
I truly want to be open-minded and not defensively shooting down the possible diagnoses of Asperger's or sensory processing disorder. If Daisy has either of these conditions, I want to know so that I can be the most helpful mother possible to her. But the only symptoms I can say with certainty she shares with these diagnoses are hypertonia (the low muscle tone) and delayed development in fine motor skills. What if that's all there is?
So I will go in to the meeting with an open mind, but I also want to be prepared to ask challenging questions if the OT seems quick to diagnose. I am taking with me one memory that makes me wary: a college psychiatrist who wanted to slap a label on me that did not fit and immediately begin heavily medicating me. I could tell she had leaped to conclusions about me based on some of the leading questions she asked me-- questions that showed she had already formed her opinion of me and presumed a certain answer. I had done my own research and when I asked her a few questions-- not defensively, but so as to participate in an informed way in my own diagnosis-- she became extremely defensive and wouldn't or couldn't answer. She seemed very surprised that I would become informed on my own and have any questions, rather than just immediately accept her word for it. Then she told me that when I was ready to "accept my diagnosis," I could see her again. Needless to say, I never returned and I never took the medication she had in mind for me. I am 100% positive she was on the wrong track with me then, twelve years ago.
I guess I want to be sure I'm a good advocate for Daisy if I sense something similar happening here. I don't want the ball to start rolling with a diagnosis that may not fit her.
posted by Sarah Goss at 10:29 AM
6 Comments:
Sarah, really! Daisy does not have Aspergers, I can tell you that right now. She is far more observant of other people, understanding of emotions, and tuned into social cues than other children her age.
Why would this weirdo bring up Aspergers when he hasn't seen Daisy?
I'd cancel the appointment.
Gompy
Ah, see, I was wondering about that, Lisa-- how she seems to other people in this realm. To me she seems super-sensitive to social cues, too. But it's hard to tell sometimes about your own child. Gompy-- the OT didn't bring up Asperger's. I did, because I was aware that kids who have sensory motor and hypertonic issues, like Daisy, sometimes also have a larger diagnosis, such as Asperger's or sensory processing disorder. He agreed that there is often a link there, but not necessarily. So I don't think he's rushing to conclusions. He's going to fully evaluate her.
I spent yesterday afternoon with Daisy at the Discovery Park at Fort Baker (a wonderful place for small kids). I got to see her interacting with some friends and with one of the adult aides who work there. Daisy seems to me to have unusually good social skills for a three year old. She more or less commandeered the adult aide for an hour. And on the way home she asked me how I was feeling.
Gompy
Just to stick up for kids with Asperger's, Gompy: my kid very often asks me how I'm feeling. Kids with Asperger's care about other people -- they just sometimes have trouble reading them.
Sarah, I agree that it seems very doubtful that Daisy could have Asperger's. I think it's wise to get her checked out, though, if your intuition tells you to. Just trust your gut when it comes to the medical system.
Holden is not walking yet and he's 18 months old, so maybe we'll follow you down this path...
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