I left my house after dark recently

I thought this occasion deserved a post. That's right, folks: you are not mistaken. I left my house at night, at practically TEN PM, and Daisy was not with me. I thought I was not going to make it--it was so very, very late for Mother Sarah. I was also nervous about being in a bar/club atmosphere again, as I was accompanying Mark to his Iron Maiden show, and it's been, maybe, years since I've been in a place like that. I used to go with Mark all the time, before we had a child, and I was pretty used to it. But it's been awhile and I've forgotten how to be in such a place. Wouldn't you know, though, I had a great time! Mark's Iron Maiden band, Ancient Mariner, is completely awesome. I loved them. I want to go again. I want to venture out after dark. I want to hear Mark's bands play again. Maybe I even want to hear bands that Mark is not in play. Not sure, but maybe.

Daisy was so surprised to see me all dressed up, wearing a dress and lipstick and earrings. She complimented me several times unbidden, saying, "Mama looks so pretty!" and saying she wants to dress up like Mama. So completely gratifying to hear that from my daughter!

When I was younger and I went with Mark to his shows, I sometimes had too much to drink as a way of coping with the discomfort of being in places where I wasn't entirely in my element. This time, of course, I didn't, and I realized I don't need a lot of drinks to survive. I also thought I needed earplugs, but I hadn't brought any (maybe a good idea for next time), and I was fine without them. I am glad some of Mark's friends came so I had people to sit with; that made it more comfortable, too.

Over the years I have come to appreciate a lot of the music that Mark likes and performs, and I especially like Iron Maiden and Judas Priest (I have to admit I like them more than KISS and Motley Crue, two of the other bands whose music he performs). I didn't know many of the songs before the show, but I think I know them now.

I realized I need to do this sort of thing more precisely because it felt so strange to be out on my own without Daisy. I think I have a bit forgotten how to be on my own without my constant shadow and appendage. Somehow, even when I'm at school attending my classes, I still feel attached to her-- maybe because a lot of what I'm learning at school applies to parenting. This was something completely different, something which calls on a side of my identity that has nothing whatsoever to do with being a mother. And it feels really alien now. But good. Yeah. I think I need more of it. And I think I can be in these places now in a healthy, non-insane way, even if insane things happen from time to time at them. Well, we'll see.