Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Checking in

Daisy has named two of her headbands. Their names are "Flowersworth" and "Wacky Rose." She says things like, "I feel like wearing Wacky Rose today" and "I haven't worn Flowersworth to kindergarten yet." I find this cute.

Things have been continuing to go well for Daisy at kindergarten, and I find that the problem, if anything, is me. I have a hard time not worrying. I think pointless thoughts, like, "Maybe she should have spent another year in preschool"--not because she's not mentally ready for kindergarten, but I worry about emotional readiness. I took her out of her familiar, safe, happy place, where she had a close friend she looked forward to seeing every day, and I've put her somewhere totally new. There is only one other girl in her kindergarten class, and luckily, they seem to like each other. And there are first-grade girls who are in the same room. I don't mean to say that she couldn't be friends with boys--she has friends who are boys--but I've noticed that same-sex bonding seems important at this age. (Ha, that reminds me: when I walked Daisy through the door this morning, one of the first-grade girls exclaimed, "Oh good, there's another girl here now!" The room really does seem to have a lot more boys in it.)

Daisy seems fine, and I don't even exactly know what my problem is. It's not the school, as I remain convinced it was a great choice for my daughter: small, cozy and nurturing, yet characterized by stimulating academics. Boy, that's one thing about Daisy--she is intellectually active. Cognitively speaking, I think she was more than ready for kindergarten. She is coming home full of details about what she learned at school. Last night she sang us a "liquids, solids, and gases" song at dinner and told us all about "molecules." She is learning Spanish and seems to love the acting class they do. She looks forward to doing her homework at night! And her astronomy questions have officially transcended my ability to answer them. She asked me a million questions about the setting of the sun last night, as we drove past the ocean and saw it sinking. I took a stab at it, babbling something about the rotation of the earth, but, yeah, I'm going to have to do research now in order to answer her questions adequately.

So, yeah, the problem is me. I guess I have to face the fact that transitions are hard for me. I miss her preschool. I miss the people, mainly. I miss the feeling of belonging somewhere. I knew it would be this way. When we started preschool, I felt similarly lonely. It takes a while to fit in somewhere, to develop relationships and an identity that means something in the new context. Here I am, immersed in change. I gave up my MFT program and went back to teaching after two years, another big transition. I am finally at a point where I can feel a little sad about quitting the MFT program; for months I couldn't feel anything but relief. I still think it was the right decision, but it's good to be able to feel some sadness about it, now that the anger (at how my traineeship agency treated us) and relief have dissipated.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

So far, so good

Daisy has been in kindergarten for two days and so far, everything is going well and we are all feeling very positively about her school. Daisy was cheerful when we picked her up today and informed us, "School is very exciting" and "you picked the perfect school for me." She also said, "I am meeting lots of new friends." I know... it sounds like she read the textbook on what parents want to hear from their new kindergartener. But it seems sincere. She is enthusiastic about her teacher, about the principal, and about several new kids she's met. She was very excited about her Spanish classes, which didn't surprise us, and loved her art class but said it didn't last long enough. So far, so good!

I am bracing myself for her maybe having some hard days next week, when the novelty of the experience wears off. This is what happened with preschool; she made it through the first three or four days with total stoicism but broke down at the end of the week. I think she was trying so hard to hold all her feelings together. She is such a grownup in certain ways! For example, she said to me yesterday, regarding a potential night of camping with her friend Henry in his yard (which would be her first sleepover at a friend's house), "If I have a hard time, I will try to comfort myself." Such coping!

But there's something about this school that just feels right. It's so small and cozy, so personable. I feel really good about leaving her there. It means the world to me to know she's going to be "known," her thoughts and feelings acknowledged and recognized by the people there. I just don't doubt that. Emotionally, she is in good hands. And academically and artistically, I can see there's going to be a lot of stimulating stuff for our inquisitive daughter. She comes home each day with a folder showing what she's worked on, and drawings. There is a communication sheet to be passed back and forth between the teacher and us--it comes home in the folder every day. We can write notes to the teacher and slip them in the folder, and she will respond or write notes to us.

We took Daisy to have her TB test checked at Kaiser after school today and Daisy told the nurse, very importantly, "I am in NORMAL school now." The nurse asked, "As opposed to abnormal school?" But I think this is Daisy's way of saying she is no longer in "pre" school. She seemed so happy. I brought myself to tears today thinking about how much better her kindergarten experience seems to be going than mine did when I was her age. I had a mean teacher who didn't like me because I was already reading and misinterpreted my painful shyness as some kind of aloofness or standoffishness. I was unhappy. I wanted my daughter to have a different experience, and I think she will.

She also told the nurse, again with great importance, that she knows a seventh grader at the school and he greeted her outside the school. One of her preschool teachers, Cheryl, has a son who goes to the same school, and he said the sweetest hello to Daisy today. You can imagine what prestige goes to a kindergartener who is greeted by name by a 7th grader! The nurse told Daisy, "I would be thrilled if a 7th grader talked to me, too, even at my age." (This is the same nurse who gave Daisy FIVE injections on Tuesday to get her medical record up to speed for kindergarten, and so she knows what a stoic Daisy is; Daisy did not shed one tear.)

If I had any doubts about her readiness, I am not having them now. I am a bit curious if she's the very youngest person in the school--something tells me she is. But mentally and emotionally, she seems right up to speed so far. I hope they love her! Just like every parent-- I hope they love her.