Afraid of the dark
I guess it was inevitable this day would come. My little girl is expressing a bigger-kid fear! It started last night, when Mark put her to bed without me (I was at a parenting class); he told me when I got home that she'd said, "Don't make it darker and darker." But she was okay when he turned out the lights. Tonight, she put up more a fuss, saying, "I don't like the dark, Mama," and her eyes welling with tears. Luckily I had a nightlight and we plugged it in by the bed. I told her she could pick one out with me later, though, that was special, and she said she wanted one with a sheep.
She's in there now, not crying, so hopefully it will be okay, but I think this is the start of some more advanced types of fears. Somehow I didn't expect this so soon (two and a half). This is probably way off base, but it's interesting to me that this is coming up just four days after Shannon's death. Daisy was definitely clued in to something being wrong with Shannon-- although she of course has no concept of death yet. The last time she saw Shannon, in fact--maybe a month ago or so--she asked us, "Who is going to carry Shannon?" She had noticed Shannon's frailty. Then she started crying and saying she wanted to go home. We were at my parents' place. She repeated "I want to go home" over and over again until Shannon left (as it happened, Dad was on his way out the door to take Shannon home). Then, she was fine. We knew from that event that she couldn't see Shannon anymore, for Shannon's sake as much as Daisy's, actually. Fortunately, I don't think Shannon picked up on the fit being about her--that is a comfort to me. In fact, I didn't figure it out either, not until Shannon was gone and Daisy was suddenly better.
After that she didn't see Shannon anymore, but she continued to ask questions about her. She observed, "Shannon is a very old lady" (not true, but she was looking a lot older since she got very sick). She also asked us, repeatedly, "Is Shannon sad?" and "Is Shannon crying?" I am trying to figure out what I'll say if she asks me where Shannon is, now.
I doubt there is a direct link between the fear of the dark (which is so common) and Shannon's death. But I do think that seeing Shannon get so sick had an effect on Daisy. She had seen her healthy and well, and then she saw her completely transformed. That may not have given her an adult's knowledge of death, but it clued her in to something, and something that frightened her.
Ahh. Watching her growing up is going to be hard in lots of ways.
She's in there now, not crying, so hopefully it will be okay, but I think this is the start of some more advanced types of fears. Somehow I didn't expect this so soon (two and a half). This is probably way off base, but it's interesting to me that this is coming up just four days after Shannon's death. Daisy was definitely clued in to something being wrong with Shannon-- although she of course has no concept of death yet. The last time she saw Shannon, in fact--maybe a month ago or so--she asked us, "Who is going to carry Shannon?" She had noticed Shannon's frailty. Then she started crying and saying she wanted to go home. We were at my parents' place. She repeated "I want to go home" over and over again until Shannon left (as it happened, Dad was on his way out the door to take Shannon home). Then, she was fine. We knew from that event that she couldn't see Shannon anymore, for Shannon's sake as much as Daisy's, actually. Fortunately, I don't think Shannon picked up on the fit being about her--that is a comfort to me. In fact, I didn't figure it out either, not until Shannon was gone and Daisy was suddenly better.
After that she didn't see Shannon anymore, but she continued to ask questions about her. She observed, "Shannon is a very old lady" (not true, but she was looking a lot older since she got very sick). She also asked us, repeatedly, "Is Shannon sad?" and "Is Shannon crying?" I am trying to figure out what I'll say if she asks me where Shannon is, now.
I doubt there is a direct link between the fear of the dark (which is so common) and Shannon's death. But I do think that seeing Shannon get so sick had an effect on Daisy. She had seen her healthy and well, and then she saw her completely transformed. That may not have given her an adult's knowledge of death, but it clued her in to something, and something that frightened her.
Ahh. Watching her growing up is going to be hard in lots of ways.
posted by Sarah Goss at 8:25 PM
1 Comments:
I just found out from this blog that you Aunt died--I had no idea she was so close to the end of her life. At least you had some time to spend with her and she had family to take care of her. I think children do feel the vibes about death--Britin certainly did when it came to Maddy, and I don't think it was just the unusual nature of the situation. Children sense our unhappiness and pick up on our fear in subtle ways. Hopefully the nightlight will help. I remember feeling guilty when my grandmother died when I was about 7 and I felt bad because I didn't like seeing her sick and I was happy when she died because we wouldn't have to see her anymore. Daisy might not have any of those issues, but certainly death brings up complications with children! How are you doing with all this? I am so sorry for your families loss.--Melissa
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