The Daisy Updates
1) OT appointment on Feb. 12. No new information yet to share :-)
2) The pet of Daisy's classroom--a guinea pig named Cupcake--died last week, and so the kids all learned about death during circle time (the ones who hadn't learned about it in some other way already, I should add). I was nervous about what I'd hear when I picked Daisy up from school, but she simply said, "Cupcake died. He is under a rock in the yard. We sang him 'Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.'" This was enough to make ME burst into tears: something about the kids gathered around a rock in the schoolyard and picking "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" as their parting song to Cupcake. But Daisy didn't cry, and she seemed sort of interested, but not particularly heartbroken. I had the chance to observe a bunch of the three-year-olds reacting to Cupcake's death, and they were all pretty much the same. They wanted us to know, and they had a few questions (mostly pragmatic, though, not "Big Questions"), and they almost all stopped to show us the rock on their way out. It was touching to see the little circle of three-year-olds gathered around it, puzzling over what they had just seen. Somebody asked (actually, it may have been Daisy), "Is he warm under there?" But they seemed more curious than distressed. [Oh, and one of my favorite exchanges: I heard one of Daisy's three-year-old compatriots being told by her mom, "Cupcake is in heaven," and the little girl promptly replied, "No he isn't. He is under a rock."]
The four-year-olds were upset, though. They were sooooo different from the three-year-olds. It kind of blew my mind. The four-year-olds were grieving for Cupcake. Whatever happens conceptually between three and four, it is BIG. They are totally different people when it comes to the ability to grasp loss. Prepare yourself, Self.
3) Daisy may not grasp death yet, but she is going through some significant fears. She had been talking about monsters at bedtime for weeks now, maybe months. It's made me wonder if we've been irresponsible about letting her see things on TV, but we are so careful. She can't handle anything more intense than Sesame Street, and she will tell us directly if something scares her and we turn it off. Really, she is not seeing anything scary on TV, and yes, I know there are "monsters" on Sesame Street, but they are ELMO and his friends. The fear of monsters could just as easily be coming from her books. It does not take a lot to scare Daisy, we are learning, and she fairly frequently tells us a book we've selected is too frightening and we have to stop reading it.
Anyway... whatever the cause, it's too late to go back now. She has this fear of monsters. We have to leave her bedroom door open now and lots of lights (it now seems like a distant memory that we used to be able to turn off her lights and shut her door!). But she still gets scared and often calls out now in the night. We have had some nights where we've gotten very little sleep. She sleeps with the monster beads I gave her, but they don't seem to be doing the trick. I think we may have to put a bed down on the floor of our room and give her permission to come sleep on it if she's having problems. That would be better than having to go into her room constantly in the middle of the night. Maybe we'll try that, but I don't know if that will work, either.
4) Daisy is growing up. More and more she seems to me like a fun companion, rather than a kid who needs watching. I truly enjoy my time with her and my favorite days are "Daisy and mama days." I missed her terribly on Thursday, which is the day I'm at school almost all day. I enjoy my classes, but it's hard to be away from Daisy. There are so many wonderful things to do together, and most of the time, Daisy is up for anything and in a good mood, willing to try anything I suggest. So, although I continue to feel stressed out about money, school, job possibilities, and other basic survival types of issues, I have to call these good times of my life, because it's such a wonderful time with Daisy.
2) The pet of Daisy's classroom--a guinea pig named Cupcake--died last week, and so the kids all learned about death during circle time (the ones who hadn't learned about it in some other way already, I should add). I was nervous about what I'd hear when I picked Daisy up from school, but she simply said, "Cupcake died. He is under a rock in the yard. We sang him 'Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.'" This was enough to make ME burst into tears: something about the kids gathered around a rock in the schoolyard and picking "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" as their parting song to Cupcake. But Daisy didn't cry, and she seemed sort of interested, but not particularly heartbroken. I had the chance to observe a bunch of the three-year-olds reacting to Cupcake's death, and they were all pretty much the same. They wanted us to know, and they had a few questions (mostly pragmatic, though, not "Big Questions"), and they almost all stopped to show us the rock on their way out. It was touching to see the little circle of three-year-olds gathered around it, puzzling over what they had just seen. Somebody asked (actually, it may have been Daisy), "Is he warm under there?" But they seemed more curious than distressed. [Oh, and one of my favorite exchanges: I heard one of Daisy's three-year-old compatriots being told by her mom, "Cupcake is in heaven," and the little girl promptly replied, "No he isn't. He is under a rock."]
The four-year-olds were upset, though. They were sooooo different from the three-year-olds. It kind of blew my mind. The four-year-olds were grieving for Cupcake. Whatever happens conceptually between three and four, it is BIG. They are totally different people when it comes to the ability to grasp loss. Prepare yourself, Self.
3) Daisy may not grasp death yet, but she is going through some significant fears. She had been talking about monsters at bedtime for weeks now, maybe months. It's made me wonder if we've been irresponsible about letting her see things on TV, but we are so careful. She can't handle anything more intense than Sesame Street, and she will tell us directly if something scares her and we turn it off. Really, she is not seeing anything scary on TV, and yes, I know there are "monsters" on Sesame Street, but they are ELMO and his friends. The fear of monsters could just as easily be coming from her books. It does not take a lot to scare Daisy, we are learning, and she fairly frequently tells us a book we've selected is too frightening and we have to stop reading it.
Anyway... whatever the cause, it's too late to go back now. She has this fear of monsters. We have to leave her bedroom door open now and lots of lights (it now seems like a distant memory that we used to be able to turn off her lights and shut her door!). But she still gets scared and often calls out now in the night. We have had some nights where we've gotten very little sleep. She sleeps with the monster beads I gave her, but they don't seem to be doing the trick. I think we may have to put a bed down on the floor of our room and give her permission to come sleep on it if she's having problems. That would be better than having to go into her room constantly in the middle of the night. Maybe we'll try that, but I don't know if that will work, either.
4) Daisy is growing up. More and more she seems to me like a fun companion, rather than a kid who needs watching. I truly enjoy my time with her and my favorite days are "Daisy and mama days." I missed her terribly on Thursday, which is the day I'm at school almost all day. I enjoy my classes, but it's hard to be away from Daisy. There are so many wonderful things to do together, and most of the time, Daisy is up for anything and in a good mood, willing to try anything I suggest. So, although I continue to feel stressed out about money, school, job possibilities, and other basic survival types of issues, I have to call these good times of my life, because it's such a wonderful time with Daisy.
posted by Sarah Goss at 8:32 PM
1 Comments:
Hey Sarah, I remember my prof in a developmental psych class I took saying that around 3 kids all suddenly develop fears. Even kids who have basically no exposure to anythng scary and have no reason to be afraid of anything do it. If a kid doesn't have anything rational to be afraid of (like Daisy) they just sort of make something up, like Daisy's monsters.
It's a function of their developing imaginations, and while it's not fun to watch it's a good thing, because it means Daisy's thought process and brain development are going along in the right way.
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