Sensitivity
Okay... I remember being a very sensitive child, and Mark was, too. But I think (and maybe my memory is just confused) that a lot of it came up later than it's coming up for Daisy. I just can't believe what she seems to be going through right now, at 4.
Yesterday, as I wrote about before, she had a hard time leaving the Dickens Fair and it truly seemed like an existential crisis related to the concept of endings. I think she knew she was tired and it was time to go, but her eyes kept filling with tears and she said, "Mama, every time I say 'it's time to go,' I feel so sad and I want to stay." Knowing that something is over and will never come again in the exact same form seemed extremely painful-- and she was not comforted by the idea that the Dickens Fair is every year and we can always go back. She was sobbing and sobbing. As Mark pointed out, tiredness was part of it-- definitely. But not all of it.
Then, that night, another huge crisis. It started out with her yelling from the bedroom that she doesn't want things to change and become "more different." She has been doing this from time to time lately, so it didn't come as a complete surprise. She was saying, "I don't ever want to move" and "I don't want my bedroom to change." All the assurances in the world that we're not planning to move or change her room don't seem to help. I went to check on her and she was sitting up in bed, trying not to cry. That didn't work out so well, and she ended up crying on and off until 12:30 (!!!!!), when she finally went to sleep. The thoughts and feelings she was expressing seemed beyond where a 4-year-old would be, although what do I know. She repeatedly asked me if things were going to change, and asked me if I had given away her baby toys. (This is kind of funny: when I told her we could save her baby toys and maybe she could give them to her own baby someday, she tearfully explained that she is not going to "get a baby," because "it is hard work and it might hurt me when it came out.")
She kept saying that her mind goes to "sad things" at night, even though she tries not to think about them, and she was weeping and weeping. It reminded me of the way I was around eight-- when I started obsessing about death and realizing that my parents were going to die someday (and so was I). I know Daisy isn't really there yet, but this period definitely seems like the precursor. I guess I do remember starting to get very interested in death around five, although not in the same way it manifested at eight. Maybe it's not so odd for a 4-year-old to be having these thoughts and feelings. I don't know. Something must be changing for her cognitively, and she's getting new and deeper thoughts and feelings that she doesn't quite know how to deal with. One thing is certain: she is a sensitive soul.
Yesterday, as I wrote about before, she had a hard time leaving the Dickens Fair and it truly seemed like an existential crisis related to the concept of endings. I think she knew she was tired and it was time to go, but her eyes kept filling with tears and she said, "Mama, every time I say 'it's time to go,' I feel so sad and I want to stay." Knowing that something is over and will never come again in the exact same form seemed extremely painful-- and she was not comforted by the idea that the Dickens Fair is every year and we can always go back. She was sobbing and sobbing. As Mark pointed out, tiredness was part of it-- definitely. But not all of it.
Then, that night, another huge crisis. It started out with her yelling from the bedroom that she doesn't want things to change and become "more different." She has been doing this from time to time lately, so it didn't come as a complete surprise. She was saying, "I don't ever want to move" and "I don't want my bedroom to change." All the assurances in the world that we're not planning to move or change her room don't seem to help. I went to check on her and she was sitting up in bed, trying not to cry. That didn't work out so well, and she ended up crying on and off until 12:30 (!!!!!), when she finally went to sleep. The thoughts and feelings she was expressing seemed beyond where a 4-year-old would be, although what do I know. She repeatedly asked me if things were going to change, and asked me if I had given away her baby toys. (This is kind of funny: when I told her we could save her baby toys and maybe she could give them to her own baby someday, she tearfully explained that she is not going to "get a baby," because "it is hard work and it might hurt me when it came out.")
She kept saying that her mind goes to "sad things" at night, even though she tries not to think about them, and she was weeping and weeping. It reminded me of the way I was around eight-- when I started obsessing about death and realizing that my parents were going to die someday (and so was I). I know Daisy isn't really there yet, but this period definitely seems like the precursor. I guess I do remember starting to get very interested in death around five, although not in the same way it manifested at eight. Maybe it's not so odd for a 4-year-old to be having these thoughts and feelings. I don't know. Something must be changing for her cognitively, and she's getting new and deeper thoughts and feelings that she doesn't quite know how to deal with. One thing is certain: she is a sensitive soul.
posted by Sarah Goss at 9:55 AM
1 Comments:
I don't know. . . it seems to me that you can't tell a child that things won't change. Things will change. Life is change. Daisy is dealing with this too young, though.
Maybe this: life is an adventure. We want to do new things, go to new places, see new people. That's the part that is the most fun. Let's try something new every day. We don't want to be bored.
Maybe something along those lines, change as a positive thing.
Gompy
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