Apologizing
A few days ago, I had the desire to apologize to someone and I decided not to. It was a big decision, since I am such an apologizer. I would venture to say I am an over-apologizer. There have been people in my life who begged me to stop apologizing. And I notice that I sometimes begin a sentence with "Sorry" almost as a reflex, even if there's really nothing to apologize for.
So I decided not to apologize this time and it's been weighing on my mind a bit. It's not as though this person and I are in a conflict and she is expecting an apology. I don't have any reason at all to believe she is. It's in my own mind that I might owe her an apology, and the old Sarah would have apologized profusely and time-consumingly.
Now that I'm not apologizing, though, it strikes me that the effort NOT to apologize is sucking up a whole lot of energy... mightn't it be easier just to apologize? Then I could stop thinking about the decision not to apologize, which seems to be taking much thought. Hmmm.
So I decided not to apologize this time and it's been weighing on my mind a bit. It's not as though this person and I are in a conflict and she is expecting an apology. I don't have any reason at all to believe she is. It's in my own mind that I might owe her an apology, and the old Sarah would have apologized profusely and time-consumingly.
Now that I'm not apologizing, though, it strikes me that the effort NOT to apologize is sucking up a whole lot of energy... mightn't it be easier just to apologize? Then I could stop thinking about the decision not to apologize, which seems to be taking much thought. Hmmm.
posted by Sarah Goss at 11:46 AM
7 Comments:
Do you remember this? Once you told me I apologized too much, for which I apologized. When you pointed out that I had just done it again, I apologized for that as well.
There is a school of thought that says apologies are mostly useless, except in cases where there is a genuine misunderstanding. But that's an overstatement, I think. There are times when an apology is needed. But often an apology is not quite sincere, more an attempt to not feel guilty, as in "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, Dumbass."
Dumbass
Dumbass?? Well, let me explain that I am not saying I will NEVER apologize again! I would never say apologies are mostly useless. I definitely believe in apologies. And I wouldn't make one that wasn't sincere. I am just trying to limit my excessive use of apologies, possibly in situations where they aren't really called for.
PS
Is that you, Dad? You were using the word "dumbass" a lot the other day so I'm guessing it's you. There has been a bizarre spate of anonymous posting to this blog lately, making me extremely curious.
Meghan! My God, I don't remember saying that to you, though of course I believe you if you say I did. I can only respond with disgust at what at annoying brat I must have been. When I see the Little Me reflected in the anecdotes you remember, I have to admit I'm a wee bit horrified. Who was I to tell you that you apologized too much?? Can't stand that Little Me, I tell ya.
Sarah - For my New Year's resolution I made a promisee to myself not to apologize all the time. Only apologize when you really did something that requires an apology like dumbass says. Not for our state of being. I totally understand your feelings. I tell everyone 'sorry' is my middle name!Don't feel bad about not apologizing.
Love, THE AMD
I am with you, AMD. That's a good New Year's resolution for both of us, probably. You cracked me up, too, when you wrote "like dumbass says." Isn't it sad that we're citing someone who calls himself (or herself) dumbass? :-)
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