Daisy and Nightmares

Daisy has been very concerned about nightmares lately. The interesting thing is that it's not that she's HAVING them, I don't think; it's that she's learned about the concept and is worried that she COULD have them. She often tells me now that she doesn't want to sleep because she might have bad dreams. For some reason, she thinks they will really afflict her at age eleven. I have no idea how she got this in her head, but she'll say, "Mommy, I don't want to get eleven" (that's how she says it--get eleven), "because I will have bad dreams." For awhile she was telling me she wanted to be two again, and it took me some time to figure out why: she wants not to get older because she thinks bad dreams afflict older kids.

It's amazing to me how thoughtful she is, though, and how she deals with some of these problems with her own thinking powers. Today in the car, on our way to a birthday party, Daisy was quiet for a long time and then she said to me, apropos of nothing, "Mama, when I get eleven, I will have bad dreams, but I will try to think happy thoughts so that I won't have them. I am going to think happy thoughts right now." I asked her what happy thoughts she could think about, and she said, "Mummies, rabbits, and crocodiles."

I love it that mummies are happy thoughts for Daisy. Apparently, the King Tut exhibit and our book on mummies did not scar her for life. She has told us that she would like to own a cat mummy, and is puzzled that we can't get one for her (she also told me that she would like it to talk). She admitted that "crocodiles" was a mixed thought, because they could bite, but in general she still considered them a happy thought.

One quality of Daisy's that I always have to keep in mind is that she really takes things seriously and mulls them over in great depth. This means I have to be careful what I introduce her to, but I can't always predict what's going to make an impression. Case in point: the mummy exhibit delighted her and did not traumatize her. But all of a sudden, a book she's loved since babyhood--Maurice Sendak's _In the Night Kitchen_--has been making her upset. She asks us questions about this book constantly now, obsessing about specific details (Why does he go down through a hole in the floor? Why is he floating? Why do the bakers put him in the batter? Why do they confuse him with milk? And for every answer we give, she has a follow-up question). She has let us know in no uncertain terms that she no longer likes this book and is abjectly terrified of the image where Mickey is in the batter with just his hand sticking up. We explained that the whole book is a dream, and that is part of why she is now worried about dreams, I think.

And she is so smart, this girl: she remembers little details from books and has taken to calling me on some of my explanations. I can't even believe it sometimes. Today, when she was yet again telling me how scared she is of _In the Night Kitchen_ and bad dreams, I told her that if she ever has a bad dream, all she has to do is call out for me and I'll be there to help make it better. Without hesitation, she said, "Mickey called out for HIS mama and dada in the book." (Yep, true. And they don't come.) So apparently she'd already thought about this and concluded that mothers and fathers can let you down. Smart girl.

In this respect, Daisy reminds me of myself. I can remember books making powerful impressions on me as a little kid, and focusing on particular images and details, becoming terrified or morbidly sad. Daisy is definitely not the kind of kid who is just going to accept an easy explanation, or blow something off that has intense content. Again, I would try to shelter her from intense content, and some decisions are obvious, but there really is no telling what might strike her. The most cozy, non-threatening books in the world are the _Mr. Putter and Tabby_ books, but there is one Daisy can't bear to read because Mrs. Teaberry slips on a kiwi and breaks her leg (or breaks something, can't remember what). So that book gets a big NO from Daisy. She is a sensitive soul. That makes life harder sometimes, I know.

Note on learning

Daisy is doing the beginnings of addition and subtraction, and I wanted to note it for this blog. Today we had a conversation with her about a character named Triops (from a They Might Be Giants CD), and she was noting that if Triops got another eye, that would be four. That gave us the idea of presenting her some hypothetical situations-- like if a horse got one more leg, how many legs would he have? She got that one, too. She had a bit more difficulty when we made it two (how many legs if the horse got TWO more), but was often getting it right. She could also do some subtraction (like if we asked her how many eyes Triops would have if we took one away). I am pretty impressed with this kid!

It's also worth noting that a song prompted this conversation. I have to hand it to They Might Be Giants, because another song of theirs has gotten Daisy interested in spelling. They have a song called "The Alphabet Lost and Found" in which words lose letters and have to get them back at the Alphabet Lost and Found. Anyway, in the song someone tries to "ring a bell that lost its Ls" (I think that's how it goes). Daisy was very interested, so I took some of our bath letters (thank you, Nellie, who gave them to us) and spelled out the word BELL. Then I showed Daisy how it would look if we took away the Ls. We tried different variations (like if it lost the E, or the B, etc). Daisy thought it was very funny to say the new words, minus the key letters--like "BLL" and "ELL" and "BE"--but she also absorbed the spelling of BELL. Mark and I asked her how to spell BELL in the car today, and she spelled it.

So, in summary: Daisy is learning the beginnings of spelling and math, and They Might Be Giants are geniuses who make up these catchy songs that insidiously get kids interested in learning.

Daisy's art

Over the week 3 or 4 weeks or so, we've noticed a change in Daisy's artistic skills. She can now draw a representation of a face, for example, with all the parts in the right place, and she also drew a whole human figure that was completely recognizable, with arms and legs and all! I think I'll try to take some pictures of her art so I can post them. (Mom, if you're reading this, do you have the human figure sketch?)

Two ladies starting school

Just a note for my blog: Daisy is starting preschool at the same time as I'm starting my Counseling Psychology program! Today we went to a preschool playdate and met a bunch of other families and kids who will be attending the same school as Daisy. And just last Thursday was my orientation for my new Master's program. So, the two of us, mother and daughter, are embarking on a schooling adventure at pretty much the same moment. We'll see how it goes.

Daisy's characters

Daisy has been making up some funny names lately and I just wanted to record a few of them. She has this metal thermos with monster faces on it, and one day she went through all of them and named them. I can't remember all of the names, but three of them were: Pommon, Captain Bemmer, and Captain Clapp. About 3 weeks went by, and I asked her about the monsters' names-- and she remembered them. I could hardly believe it. She corrected me because I said "Captain Crab?" No, she said-- Captain Clapp and Captain Bemmer! Mark says they all sound like minor characters in a Melville novel, but my less high-cultural feeling is that the captains are on _Star Trek_ and Pommon is a character in a C.S. Lewis novel.
EDIT
Daisy told me her horse at the merry-go-round yesterday was "Paymon." I don't know if I recorded this elsewhere, but I know I'll want to remember that when Daisy was two-ish, she would always ask us to make her characters talk by saying, "Can he say a word?" How we came to dread that demand: Say a word! Say a word!

Daisy at three--August 2009

OH, and also...

She is asleep at 8:30 with only a few shouts after lights out! And I only had to go in once (between 8 and 8:30). This is a HUUUUUUGE improvement on the agonizing, drawn-out bedtimes we've been having for the last few weeks, complete with one night of total rebellion where she kept jumping out of bed and coming into the living room....

Embarrassing Milestone

Okay, I'm making a note of this for the record, instead of hiding it under a rock of shame: at the age of three, Daisy finally stopped using a bottle! Just to be clear--it's not like she drank from it all the time. She has been using a sippy cup and a regular cup for ages. But she was in the habit of drinking a bottle at night while we read her stories, then we'd brush her teeth, then bed (it was our nighttime ritual). She has been moving along well with the other major milestones--she is potty-trained and sleeps in a big girl bed, etc.--and I just didn't see any big reason to pry the bottle away. It's not like she kept it with her in bed (which I know is bad, as it can rot the teeth).

Anyway, a week or two ago, we pointed out to Daisy that she was biting on the nipple of her bottle and breaking it so the milk leaked everywhere. She immediately said, "I don't want it anymore." I'm not sure I know exactly why; maybe she was worried that we were criticizing her for biting, and wanted to eliminate the problem? Or maybe the biting was her way of letting us know she didn't want it anymore? But I seized the opportunity to suggest drinking out of a regular glass during nighttime stories, she said yes, and that was that. Easy!

It might seem ridiculous that it took this long for her to be entirely parted from the bottle. But... I kind of like it, because when it happened, it was so easy and natural, just like weaning her from breastfeeding, which took so dang long. I had planned on stopping breastfeeding when she was one year old, but it turned out she wasn't ready and it would have been a painful, agonizing process. So I let it go, and it ended up being another whole year of nursing, but when she finally gave it up at two (a few months past two, I think), she was ready and it was easy. I realize not all women have this option, and some women NEED to stop the nursing when they need to, for a variety of reasons. But I'm happy abou the way it worked out for me, and if I had the whole thing to do over, I wouldn't stress out so much about all this stuff (am I weaning on time, am I grabbing the bottle away on time...). So far, so good.

At the risk of jinxing myself...

...today has been a great day so far. I got my blood test and did not pass out (and my little girl helped distract me so I wouldn't); we went to the King Tut exhibit at the De Young Museum and had fun; Daisy took a two-hour-nap that went smoothly as can be; and for dinner, she ate two and a half mini-pizzas (I realize most parents wouldn't view this as a triumph, but for the last year or so Daisy has insisted that she hates cheese and hates pizza).

A great San Francisco day

(And of course, I forgot my camera.) We had a beautiful day, which always makes me cheer up after a rough night (last night was very rough-- Daisy screaming and wanting to get out of bed, not asleep till 10, awake and going at 6 AM). But we had such a nice day today that I almost forgive her... almost. At her request, we went to the Conservatory of Flowers, and you should have seen how enthusiastic she was about all the plants, flowers, and lilypads. She was running all over the place pointing things out to her stuffed giraffe, Georgette (thank you, George and Jennifer). Then we walked to the de Young and sat out in the sculpture garden; we didn't pay to go inside and see the King Tut exhibit, but I am dying to see it so I think we're going to do that tomorrow.

Daisy had so much fun in the sculpture garden, digging the apple sculptures and the James Turrell "secret room" with skyspace. But the best part was that she met an adorable five-year-old named Audrey who wanted to play with her. It was so touching to me, and I'm sure I won't be able to describe it. This girl was two years older, and Daisy was staring up at her with starry-eyed love and admiration. (Daisy wants a big sister so badly, it isn't even funny.) She followed her around everywhere, and Audrey would make up games and Daisy would try her best to play them and follow the rules. She did pretty well, too, but of course, her physical skills and understanding of how games work are not the same as a five-year-old's. When Audrey finally went to eat with her family, Daisy insisted on going over to visit her at her table. Once there, she got shy and just kind of stared at her longingly and answered questions briefly. (Audrey was eating pizza and asked Daisy if she liked pizza; being weird Daisy, my daughter replied, "No, I like turkey, ham, and broccoli.") I finally dragged her away, but she wouldn't come back over to the benches where we were sitting. Instead, she planted herself in the middle of the lawn, staring fixedly at Audrey in the hopes that she would come back and play.

Luckily, Audrey wanted to play some more and when she finished eating came running back to Daisy. The two of them were so sweet together, running and playing, Audrey being patient with Daisy and Daisy trying her hardest to keep up. I'm not sure exactly why, but it kind of broke my heart. Daisy was so thrilled to be asked to play a game with an older girl, and the way she followed her around with big round eyes, pushing herself to try to do all the things Audrey did-- it just got to me. When Audrey climbed a tree, Daisy did not attempt to follow but stood at the bottom saying, "Be careful!" the way I always do. At one point Audrey had them racing to a tree, and she would get there first and say, "I win!" and then Daisy would arrive a few seconds later and repeat, "I win!" I guess what breaks my heart is seeing how innocent they are and having the hope (in vain) that the world will always be kind and accepting to them. Daisy doesn't know yet what it feels like to be badly hurt and rejected, but I know that she will, and it hurts me. (Yes, yes, I know, part of life and growing up and all of that. I saw a little bit of it yesterday happening already in Daisy's ballet class-- one of the girls being excluded and rejected by some of the others-- and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. So much cruelty lies ahead.)

Audrey's family was from Fairfield, and when they finally had to leave to go home, Audrey gave Daisy about five hugs and picked a flower for her. Daisy pretended an invisible Audrey was accompanying us home. I know the family lives in Fairfield, but I wish I had asked for their email address. I never know what's appropriate in these situations.

Daisy's ballet class, performing

Ballet class

Daisy doing the Bird Dance with Teacher Carol. When she returns to her seat, note the kiss and love she receives from her classmate.

"You made a fool out of me!"

I just wanted to record that Daisy is using this phrase a lot, without knowing what it means. It is pretty funny when she tells us this. "Dad, you made a fool out of me." She is also experimenting with the phrase "not quite enough." Mark asked her about her day at Armstrong Woods, and she said, "Strong Woods was cute, but not quite cute enough." I don't think she knows what that means.

Another funny one: she was playing with her fairy house the other day, working on a project "fixing" one of the windows, and I heard her muttering to herself, "First the thinking, then the doing." This one she understands, because I asked her what she just said and she replied, "First I think, then I do!" I love that one.

I know there are some other funny ones that I'm just not thinking of right now. Mark? Gommy? Got anything?

Once more with the sleeping problems

I realize that a birthday is essentially a pretty arbitrary date, but it's striking how closely Daisy's sleeping problems have paralleled her birthdays. She began a pattern of sleeping problems on the exact night of her first birthday. For some reason I am fuzzy on her two-year-old birthday, but I'll bet if I checked back through this blog, there was something around then. And now--after such a long stretch of good sleeping--here we go with brand new problems, right around her third birthday. We've been having some tough times. The other night she launched a shockingly bold rebellion against the whole concept of going to bed. She got out of her bed (we had been wondering why toddlers stay in their beds, and I guess it finally occurred to her that nothing was trapping her there, as in her crib days)--she was walking around the room and coming out into the living room, staunchly refusing to go back to bed. When we asked her why she didn't want to go to bed, we got crossed arms, a stubborn look, and the phrase, "Too bad!" This is what she says these days when she's letting us know it's a rebellion.

Then, last night bedtime went fine, but she was up three times in the middle of the night. I don't know what's going on. She doesn't seem afraid of the dark anymore, but I think she doesn't like the concept of being alone. I also think some part of it is experimentation with defying us. It's starting to be an issue that she doesn't want to be told what to do and wants to make her own decisions. That makes sense, and I remember hating to go to bed, too.

She's pretty sleep-deprived, though. She has been taking a nap for the last three hours, and she really needed it. I wonder what she has in store for us tonight!

I think this is my favorite picture ever

Of all the pictures I took today at Daisy's ballet class, this one best captures the spirit of an aged 2-3.5 ballet class. (They are supposed to be holding their elegant "bridge over water" posture, which Daisy is sort of doing.)

Daisy sighting!

Daisy had a recent photo shoot in Stinson Beach with an amazing photographer, Jeff Willson. He made the experience fun and easy-going, and now we have some wonderful images to remember her at three. There are some photos of her on his website, here.

I haven't figured out how to link directly to the ones of Daisy, but if you go to the site above, click Menu, and click Kids, Daisy's photos are #8.

Daisy's dream

Today Daisy told me the plot of a dream she'd had, and it was surprisingly clear and detailed. In the dream, said Daisy, a dragon came into the house and bit Daddy. Then she, Daisy, put a band-aid on Daddy. After that, Daisy asked the dragon please not to bite her, and the dragon said "Okay." Then it left the house.

Not bad, huh? Another kind of funny Daisy tidbit from today: she informed us that her first word as a baby was "ami," the French word for "friend." She absolutely insisted this was her first word, but now that she's bigger, she explained, "I like to say a lot of other words, like 'actually, actually,' like my friend Henry."

Goodbye to friends

Today some of our best friends moved from San Francisco to Ohio. We will miss you, Ann, Dave, Elise, and Roland.

Day after birthday party--zoo day!

What would most exhausted parents do the day after their child's third birthday party? Why, of course: take her to the San Francisco Zoo. It sounds crazy, but I am so glad Gommy and I took Daisy to the zoo yesterday because we had a blast. For one thing, twelve (approx) carousel rides apparently were not enough for Daisy; the day after her Golden Gate Park carousel birthday, the poor deprived child rode the zoo merry-go-round FIVE times and would have gone on longer if we hadn't stopped her. (For the record, the zoo carousel is a much faster, wilder ride than the carousel in Golden Gate Park.) We also got to see the adorable baby gorilla, and let me tell you, we were lucky-- we had a great view of him playing with his mother, and then after awhile they went inside so that all the people who showed up afterward were sorely disappointed. We also spent time with the giraffes, zebra, ostriches, howler monkeys, and lemurs, and then we went to the children's zoo, where Daisy had a great time feeding the ducks.
The merry-go-round at the zoo--Daisy riding a pig

Daisy specifically wanted to ride the horse with a broken leg

The baby gorilla, Hasani

The baby gorilla visiting his mom and cuddling


Lovely giraffes

A girl and her gommy--companions

Daisy's third birthday

I have done a terrible job of documenting Daisy's most recent birthday... but here are some shots. They actually cover two different occasions: Daisy's birthday at her gommy's house, and Daisy's party at the merry-go-round in Golden Gate Park. It was an unusually hot day, which caused some food problems, but other than that, it couldn't have been better. It was a delight to see so many friends and family members! I was too crazed on the day of the party to take many pictures, so I am counting on friends and family who were there (ahem, ahem) to send me some of the pictures they took and then I'll post 'em.

From Gommy's house, a series of Daisy and her beloved cousin Hannie:



Daisy's birthday cake, and blowing out the candles


In fairy princess tiara from Jamie and Jessica!

Birthday Barn at Golden Gate Park

Friends on the carousel (they look really serious in this picture but actually most of the kids seemed to love the merry-go-round)

Birthday cupcakes melting in the sun

First picture from Daisy's birthday!

Daisy really loves her friend Henry.

My three-year-old

The first photo from our very fun photo shoot today at Stinson Beach!

Pity me

For the last week or so, we've had a return of sleeping problems with Daisy--after so long with things going well. Of course, these three-year-old sleeping problems are not at all the same thing we dealt with when Daisy was a baby, so we don't really know what to do. Anyway: for the last week Daisy has been putting up a MAJOR struggle about bedtime, yelling from her bed and asking for things (books, water, milk, adjustment to blankets, to have one of us rub her back or stay with her, etc.) This can go on for hours. She has not been getting to sleep till late--I'd say anywhere between 9:30 and 11. The crazy part is that she still gets up at the same time the next morning--between 6:30 and 7. The result is that she is getting exhausted, and we are too. Then, naps haven't been any better. She willingly enough gets into bed (she does at bedtime, too), but then she starts calling for us. She is so sleep-deprived from her bad nighttime sleep that she will eventually take a nap, but only if one of us goes in and rubs her back or stays with her.

I am SO TIRED.

My daughter is torturing me

It is 11:00 and she has been awake (in bed) since 8. Her best procrastination lines of the night:
"Mom! This finger is too long!" (designed to get us to rush in to investigate the problem--a variation on "My foot hurts!")
"Daddy! I am not in the mood for you not staying here with me!"
and my personal favorite: "I am not going down like this!"

Bad mothering (smothering)

I am pleased to announce that Daisy has agreed to marry me (she wants to be the husband), never leave me, and always live with me in the same house. She submits to being kissed and hugged and having all of her toes pinched and squeezed, although she told me I couldn't take her pinky toe because "it's a part of my body and it's stuck on there."

She is in bed right now playing her harmonica in the dark, a party favor from her BFF Henry's third birthday party. Happy happy birthday Henry!!!!!