A Pregnant Woman's Canine Culinary Adventures
Sunday, Feb. 26: Ate a doggie treat today. Or, partially.
But let's back up a moment. First I had a lovely lunch at Saul's Jewish Deli in Berkeley with my friends Katherine and Tom, and I also ate a delicious chocolate croissant that Katherine made, and I followed all THAT up with some cheese, bread, and tomatoes at Katherine and Tom's house. So I wasn't exactly starving at the time I popped a doggie treat in my mouth.
Precisely what happened was this: at the door of the house, as Mark and I were leaving, Tom handed us each a little yellowish pellet, which turned out later to be called "Meaties" and to be intended for the dog, Maggie. This was quite obvious, as I think he'd even said something to us a few minutes earlier about giving Maggie a treat before we left. Now, it is true that when he handed them to us, he said, “One for you, and one for you,” which could be construed as a straight-forward offering of a treat. But it is also true that Mark didn’t immediately pop the pellet into his mouth; he looked down at it first and determined that it didn’t look meant for humans. I, on the other hand, ate it on the spot.
I am pretty sure I would have gone on eating it and pretending to be politely delighted by the flavors and texture if I hadn't seen looks of alarm and disgust cross everyone's faces. I managed to spit it out pretty quickly, although a kind of bodily, sensory memory of it lingered in my imagination for hours afterward.
Tom, Katherine, if you are reading this, did I leave out any crucial details in the narrative, or was this a good version?
But let's back up a moment. First I had a lovely lunch at Saul's Jewish Deli in Berkeley with my friends Katherine and Tom, and I also ate a delicious chocolate croissant that Katherine made, and I followed all THAT up with some cheese, bread, and tomatoes at Katherine and Tom's house. So I wasn't exactly starving at the time I popped a doggie treat in my mouth.
Precisely what happened was this: at the door of the house, as Mark and I were leaving, Tom handed us each a little yellowish pellet, which turned out later to be called "Meaties" and to be intended for the dog, Maggie. This was quite obvious, as I think he'd even said something to us a few minutes earlier about giving Maggie a treat before we left. Now, it is true that when he handed them to us, he said, “One for you, and one for you,” which could be construed as a straight-forward offering of a treat. But it is also true that Mark didn’t immediately pop the pellet into his mouth; he looked down at it first and determined that it didn’t look meant for humans. I, on the other hand, ate it on the spot.
I am pretty sure I would have gone on eating it and pretending to be politely delighted by the flavors and texture if I hadn't seen looks of alarm and disgust cross everyone's faces. I managed to spit it out pretty quickly, although a kind of bodily, sensory memory of it lingered in my imagination for hours afterward.
Tom, Katherine, if you are reading this, did I leave out any crucial details in the narrative, or was this a good version?
posted by Sarah Goss at 9:32 PM
18 Comments:
Well...did it taste any good? I have always been tempted to eat a doggie biscuit because they look so fun, but I've never had the courage to actually do it.
It was kind of bland and tasteless, but the texture was icky, especially given my expectation that it was some kind of peanut candy. I think if you go into eating dog food *intending* to eat dog food, it might be a different experience... I ate some dog kibble when I was a kid, out of curiosity, and it wasn't too bad. Not super-tasty, but not gross, either.
Mmmmm....dog biscuits. Yum dummily!
Indeed, I have tried them before (snausages). An acquired taste, like sushi or eggplant or caviar.
If early Hanna Barbera cartoons are any indication, had you actually eaten it you would have floated up to the ceiling in a state of ecstatic bliss....
I like your "pretend to be politely delighted bit"! Think you covered the saga well, particularly the idea that you had been well-fed, and thought it was yet another tasty course...
The dog treats do look pretty good on the outside, kind of like those cheese biscuits or soup crackers on the East Coast, although I'm not sure about the "Extra Lamb" flavor.
Tom was examining his actions afterwards wondering if he had misled Sarah, "but we've done this before" and we do tend to indicate that the treat is for Maggie (she says "Goodbye" with her paw as you leave--the yummy treat in return is meant to lessen her possible sadness at your departure).
All in all, we can try to explain this as one of those subconscious pregnancy cravings...
Albert, you've eaten dogfood, too? My soulmate! (Or, are you just kidding, as is your wont?) I really did sample it, with my younger sister one day. It was just one time, though I've always been curious about the moister snacks like Snausages, since we only sampled the dry.
I wish I could say it was THAT good, Billiam! :-)
Yes, I think that while Tom's directions were not flamboyantly assertive, they were there to be understood by a person with even the smallest bit of insight (and judgment. And a nose).
You said "moister." Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Moister.
Yes, I have tried Snausages. Not kidding. Well, kidding about liking it.
Did I ever mention that Kae and one of her friends wanted to invent a special food for pregnant women (high nutrition, easy to eat during those first few months) called Pregnancy Kibble? I swear I am not making this up.
Oh wow, I love that, Matt. I believe you and also choose to believe that there was a REASON I ate dog kibble, probably anticipating Kae's invention of a kibble meant for pregnant women. Yeah. That's it!
Deb, now you've got me wondering: is "moister" even a word?
My favorite "word that is but shouldn't be" is the adverb form of "funny," which I'd fervently hoped would still be "funny" in the desperate attempt to avoid the horrible alternative--and real, as it turns out--"funnily." How do you say that with a straight face? Ick.
OMG, I always thought "funnily" was a made-up word. I thought I was being clever when I used it. I can't believe it's actually correct. Durr.
And I suppose this means that the adjective form of "funnel"--should anyone ever need it--ought to be "funnel-like" (or perhaps the snootier "funnel-esque") rather than, uh, "funnelly."
Wow, this is actually producing some anxiety in me... at first I thought, "Well, I'd probably never need to use funnel as an adjective, anyway." But then my brain started proliferating with scenarios in which I might be called upon, nay, *demanded*, to use "funnel" as an adjective... what would I do?
I also thought, maybe "funnelly" is the adverb form of "funnel," but shouldn't it be the adjective, if only because it's nearly impossible to think of a time when you'd need to use it as an adverb?
Looking at a thing-type noun such as "demon," the noun/adjective/adverb progression is "demon/demonic/demonically." Applying that to funnel, you could propose something like "funnel/funnelesque/funnelesquely." If we went with "funnelly" as the adjective, then the adverb should be something like "funnellyily" or "funnellyally." It really begs the question of why I have just spent the last five minutes giving a *^%@ about this. But I have, and there you go. :-)
You know, I realized a bit later that I had totally missed Michael's point anyway; I think he was trying to say that we can't have BOTH "funnily" and "funnelly," since they sound identical. Then, we would never know if someone meant that something was being done in an extremely amusing way, or in a way that resembled a funnel :-)
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