I swear I'm not making this up
We had our last childbirth preparation class today, and midway through it, the class that had met before ours came back for their reunion and to show us their babies; two babies were 3 weeks old, and one was 1 week.
There's a lot I could say about this class, but I'm tired so will limit myself to telling you about one of the fathers. He graphically described his wife's C-section to us, freely tossing about phrases like "sawing through layers and layers of lasagna" and "blood everywhere." It was all delivered in a very charming British accent, but...is it possible to have a faultier sense of audience? He said, in his wonderful British accent, "I had no idea how many LAYERS there were to SAW through!" I kept waiting for the teacher to take out the hook and pull him off the stage, but this never happened.
His, uh, hideously ill-timed candor was only partially compensated for by the fact that he referred to himself as a "bloke" and the operating room as the operating "theatre."
It may take a lifetime to eradicate some of the images he created in my head tonight. Sigh.
There's a lot I could say about this class, but I'm tired so will limit myself to telling you about one of the fathers. He graphically described his wife's C-section to us, freely tossing about phrases like "sawing through layers and layers of lasagna" and "blood everywhere." It was all delivered in a very charming British accent, but...is it possible to have a faultier sense of audience? He said, in his wonderful British accent, "I had no idea how many LAYERS there were to SAW through!" I kept waiting for the teacher to take out the hook and pull him off the stage, but this never happened.
His, uh, hideously ill-timed candor was only partially compensated for by the fact that he referred to himself as a "bloke" and the operating room as the operating "theatre."
It may take a lifetime to eradicate some of the images he created in my head tonight. Sigh.
posted by Sarah Goss at 10:04 PM
10 Comments:
A man with a British accent can be forgiven anything. "Oi, I just cut the 'ead off your mum." Awwwwww! So charming! Can I marry you?
"Operating theatre" is the kind of expression that sounds like Vincent Price should be saying it.
The Supreme Court should impose a Gag Order on all men talking about pregnancy and childbirth. We don't know anything, even those of us who think we do.
That tears it. I have no doubt you and your classmates were the victims of some terrible E! Network gag reality show, probably set to air this summer after another new program in which Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie smack each other with big foam-rubber hammers...
Everything is better in a British accent! In fact, a few days ago I was sitting forlornly by the side of the road because Mark was late picking me up and the most sweetly fresh-faced, curly-haired young British lad came up and said (imagine a charmingly Dickensian accent), "Are you all right? Is there anything I can do to assist you?" I almost wanted there to be something wrong so that he could assist me!
Bill, I wish you hadn't begun that comment with, "That tears it."
:-)
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The other thing the guy said was, "I really recommend having the baby vaginally." ???? There wasn't a woman in the room who was PLANNING to have a C-section, believe me. But I have been told, by Haddayr and others, that it can be a not-so-terrible experience. Perhaps it all depends on what side of that little curtain you're standing on.
So I passed by this elderly gentleman today, and he said to me, "Elllo," like all British and junk. And I thought ... well, I should post this to Sarah's blog.
That is all.
Yes, everything sounds charming in a British accent. When I was 20, my friends and I were in England, staying at youth hostels. We arrived one evening at a hostel in Liverpool where many young people were sitting outside the door looking a bit depressed. As we walked up, a British bloke said, in a beautiful Liverpudlian accent, "Av you booked, Luv?" Now, although that question hinted at the predicament of not having a place to sleep that night, we were all charmed and have remembered those words lo unto these 40 years!
Hmmm, I wonder what my pal Katherine (who is married to a man with an English accent!) makes of all this; she would probably have us believe that British people are much like the rest of us and that we are fetishizing them....hmmm....
:-)
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