Wow
At lunch today, Daisy asked me if I knew what "metamorphosis" was, pronouncing it precisely. I nearly flipped! She then defined it, very proudly, as "changing." That school really is teaching her something!
This was an important day for Daisy. She had been telling us all weekend about three older girls at school who have been mean to her, telling her to go away, etc. We already knew about these girls because Daisy had mentioned them earlier in the year and they are informally known as "the clique," but she hadn't brought them up in awhile so I had been hoping the problem had gone away. I saw one of the girls with my own eyes shove Daisy out of a line of a kids sitting to watch an acrobat at a child's birthday party, and when Daisy tried to find another spot in the line, she went over and shoved her out of that spot, too. I hate to seem to confirm sexist stereotypes, but several little boys in the line were saying "Hi, Daisy" in a friendly way and it was like this girl was not going to allow Daisy to sit next to any of them. She wanted her to have to sit behind, and she would have had to, if I had not intervened.
We tried to discuss the problem with Daisy over the weekend, explaining in response to "Why are they mean?" that some older girls might not want to play with a younger girl, but they were making a mistake because Daisy is well worth playing with. We also tried to encourage her to focus on playing with other kids.
Well, this morning when Daisy saw one of the girls, she marched right up to her and said, apropos of nothing, "Janie [not her real name], you are making a mistake! I am a big girl!" The girl looked sheepish and somewhat confused. Daisy went on to try to strike up a real conversation with her while they washed their hands in the bathroom; being Daisy, she chose a rather odd topic of conversation (the fact that the sun had been shining in her eyes on the way to school and she had had to cover them with her hand). I could see the girl being unresponsive but not overtly mean, maybe because I was present, and she made one slightly disparaging remark about Daisy's inability to turn on the water faucet by herself.
Daisy had asked me to tell her teacher what was going on, but I thought it would be better if she could tell her herself. So we had gotten to school early today for this purpose and Daisy told the teacher. Our teacher, who is absolutely wonderful, said she was going to have the four girls sit down today at the Peace Rose Table (a Montessori concept--I don't think Daisy's ever sat at it before today). I was nervous all morning with knots in my stomach, even though I knew it should probably go okay for Daisy since this wonderful teacher would be there. It just made me so uneasy, though, to imagine her confronting all three of these older girls, three against one, and my one being the youngest.
But apparently it went well! The teacher told me later that Daisy informed them, "I am almost as big as you are and I will be as big as you soon." The teacher talked with the girls and told them their behavior made her sad, which believe me would make you want to hurl yourself off a bridge-- there is something about our teacher that makes losing her good opinion particularly devastating. She is smart and beautiful and gently ironic with a twinkle in her eye, and has a delicate, lovely way about her. I have seen how all the kids feel about her so I know it would make an impact for her to say this.
The girls said they were sorry to Daisy. Of course, I don't really know if they were just pretending to be sorry in front of the teacher or if they really were, but the apologies made Daisy happy and she has mentioned this several times to me today. I am so proud of her for standing up for herself. She really is a big girl. At the same time, I can't help getting sad about all that is coming, probably-- the ways of the big, mean world. I want to try to teach Daisy to treat others kindly, so I've also been talking with her about how she felt when these girls excluded her and how she would not want to make anyone else feel that way-- so if other kids want to play with her, she should be open to that. I hope these are good teachings. I have noticed that Daisy has empathy-- it was very much in evidence at her very elderly great-grandma's house yesterday, where she was patient and well-behaved, hugged her great-grandma and sat on her lap for a long time, and even ate food she ordinarily wouldn't eat. It was like she understood she needed to be flexible and rise to the occasion and that someone else's needs mattered more (which is not that easy a concept for a three-year-old!). So I think the foundations for a truly empathetic personality are there. They just kind of disappear sometimes when she is particularly tired and cranky :)
This was an important day for Daisy. She had been telling us all weekend about three older girls at school who have been mean to her, telling her to go away, etc. We already knew about these girls because Daisy had mentioned them earlier in the year and they are informally known as "the clique," but she hadn't brought them up in awhile so I had been hoping the problem had gone away. I saw one of the girls with my own eyes shove Daisy out of a line of a kids sitting to watch an acrobat at a child's birthday party, and when Daisy tried to find another spot in the line, she went over and shoved her out of that spot, too. I hate to seem to confirm sexist stereotypes, but several little boys in the line were saying "Hi, Daisy" in a friendly way and it was like this girl was not going to allow Daisy to sit next to any of them. She wanted her to have to sit behind, and she would have had to, if I had not intervened.
We tried to discuss the problem with Daisy over the weekend, explaining in response to "Why are they mean?" that some older girls might not want to play with a younger girl, but they were making a mistake because Daisy is well worth playing with. We also tried to encourage her to focus on playing with other kids.
Well, this morning when Daisy saw one of the girls, she marched right up to her and said, apropos of nothing, "Janie [not her real name], you are making a mistake! I am a big girl!" The girl looked sheepish and somewhat confused. Daisy went on to try to strike up a real conversation with her while they washed their hands in the bathroom; being Daisy, she chose a rather odd topic of conversation (the fact that the sun had been shining in her eyes on the way to school and she had had to cover them with her hand). I could see the girl being unresponsive but not overtly mean, maybe because I was present, and she made one slightly disparaging remark about Daisy's inability to turn on the water faucet by herself.
Daisy had asked me to tell her teacher what was going on, but I thought it would be better if she could tell her herself. So we had gotten to school early today for this purpose and Daisy told the teacher. Our teacher, who is absolutely wonderful, said she was going to have the four girls sit down today at the Peace Rose Table (a Montessori concept--I don't think Daisy's ever sat at it before today). I was nervous all morning with knots in my stomach, even though I knew it should probably go okay for Daisy since this wonderful teacher would be there. It just made me so uneasy, though, to imagine her confronting all three of these older girls, three against one, and my one being the youngest.
But apparently it went well! The teacher told me later that Daisy informed them, "I am almost as big as you are and I will be as big as you soon." The teacher talked with the girls and told them their behavior made her sad, which believe me would make you want to hurl yourself off a bridge-- there is something about our teacher that makes losing her good opinion particularly devastating. She is smart and beautiful and gently ironic with a twinkle in her eye, and has a delicate, lovely way about her. I have seen how all the kids feel about her so I know it would make an impact for her to say this.
The girls said they were sorry to Daisy. Of course, I don't really know if they were just pretending to be sorry in front of the teacher or if they really were, but the apologies made Daisy happy and she has mentioned this several times to me today. I am so proud of her for standing up for herself. She really is a big girl. At the same time, I can't help getting sad about all that is coming, probably-- the ways of the big, mean world. I want to try to teach Daisy to treat others kindly, so I've also been talking with her about how she felt when these girls excluded her and how she would not want to make anyone else feel that way-- so if other kids want to play with her, she should be open to that. I hope these are good teachings. I have noticed that Daisy has empathy-- it was very much in evidence at her very elderly great-grandma's house yesterday, where she was patient and well-behaved, hugged her great-grandma and sat on her lap for a long time, and even ate food she ordinarily wouldn't eat. It was like she understood she needed to be flexible and rise to the occasion and that someone else's needs mattered more (which is not that easy a concept for a three-year-old!). So I think the foundations for a truly empathetic personality are there. They just kind of disappear sometimes when she is particularly tired and cranky :)
posted by Sarah Goss at 1:38 PM
3 Comments:
Way to go, Daisy!! Proud Gommy
Yay, Daisy! You are a bigger girl than I am, I think.
Love,
Jenny
Nicely done, all around.
Gompy
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